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....and as I read I felt that connection in my heart and head - I was greatly taken by Renee Caisse's story and her adherence to her principles especially the one about all healing should be freely given - I had/have a bit of an issue with this, if we really do believe that we shall receive in accordance to that which we freely and happily give and most alternative practitioners are on the spiritual path and whatever doctrine you subscribe to they all say the same, putting a price upon our heads can also stop greater gifts - Renee was *looked after* just as I find that I am in my life, oh I still have issues with money and have a bad habit of denying myself but that is to do with self worth - but when one person said that if I wasn't prepared to spend money on myself then I wasn't honouring myself.....mmmmm......as a mum most income went on the  essentials of living and the well being of our children is more important to us, anyway I don't think handing over hundreds of pounds is going to prove my self love....anyway the more I read the more *right* it felt so I phoned the Essiac Centre in Ireland and spoke to a lovely Irishman, it was quite a surreal conversation I remember as he suddenly asked if I was a shaman, hadn't really considered that on, but he felt I was and should contact Mali Klein, which I duly did again a feeling of connection and contentment, I read Mali's book about her and her husband and how they started the Clouds Trust and I knew this was what I was looking for, back then you could get a free months trial from the Clouds Trust and then obtain it for a donation now a suggested donation of between £7/£10 is asked for this will get you a trial pack postage included  or you can go direct to the Organic Herb Trading Centre  for a years supply with a percentage going to Clouds.

I became aware of other sources of Essiac, man-u-factured versions which to me didn't ring true to Renee and her beliefs - and can something made by people *just doing a job* have the right kind of energy contained within it - if something is mass produced does it not loose it's quality as it is profit which is paramount in big business, OK if someone is making big profits why aren't they re-investing it back into the people who provided this wealth? Sadly there are too many bogus alternative practitioners out there these days, people who have cashed in on what they see is a good earner as more an more people turn towards more natural remedies, they are no better than the mega pharmaceutical companies maybe worse as they are acting under a guise of spirituality.

I started the essiac and after about a month I felt more energetic, which meant that no thought was going into *being ill* - I learnt in time that this was the most common response with people I knew who took it. I wrote a little article for a friend who ran the local free green hand book - boy - I never knew how far n wide that little book could travel and I got a lot of phone calls, some, years later; I became a Rep for Clouds in Scotland and many wanted me to make the Tea for them - differing reasons but I was happy to and I had several folk who travelled over 2 hours just to collect their monthly quota. I was very particular when making their tea though with the right mind set and visualising when stirring.

I was fortunate enough to have a wonderfully opened minded GP who was interested in the Essiac and borrowed all my material about it, he then went on to send so called no hopers to me, not everyone was interested - but I do remember one elderly fella who came, apparently he was riddled with cancer, well after about 3 or 4 months of taking the essiac he was due a scan to see how things were progressing - he was completely clean

Another lovely person I remember coming to me, he had been given 6 months to live and he did look awful, even had that smell of cancer to him, he wasn't scared of dying, but he was scared of going into hospital and being so pumped full of drugs that he wouldn't know who he was let alone where he was, he wanted to die at home (he wasn't a young man). I remember telling him to forget what the Doctor had said that he wasn't God and he had no right putting such negative thoughts into him, in fact I felt a little guilty after he left thinking I had maybe been a little too strident but he came every month for his *jungle juice* as he liked to call it and I saw the improvements, 11 months he died one night in his sleep in his own bed and he never had to increase his allopathic medicines

I don't want people to think Essiac is THE cure, but it certainly does work for some people and is well worth a try. But I would still say mind set is a big part of self healing and everything else are aids/tools.

I took the essiac for 9 months it was a morning ritual for me, (some prefer to take it at night, again it is a personal thing) and I looked forward to it, then one morning my body just recoiled from it and I haven't taken it since. Again it is all about following one's own inner voice.

One last lots of observations I made from my experiences - many of those that came to me for Essiac were women who had already had one brush with cancer in earlier years and believed they had beaten it - then it comes back and if their earlier cancer was breast then it came back in a part the reproductive system, if their earlier cancer had been in the reproductive system then it returned as breast cancer....this along with much thought on my own problems over the years led me to that the real cause of these particular cancers has more to do with our feelings to do with our womanhood/femaleness; but I shall speak more of this in later pages

For many people I do think a radical change in their diet is needed, but doing it radically can be as detrimental as continuing with a crappy diet, any sudden change for the body will knock it off kilter. Start by becoming more aware of what you are eating and why! Without becoming obsessive, look upon your habits as a kindly grandparent looks upon their grandchildren. Make gradual changes and new habits will be formed, be prepared for the long haul, this isn't a 6 month regime and then revert back. I guess I became more careful about eating habits once I had  children and always did believe that which was natural was going to be best for the body, processed food of any kind is not recognised by the body so it doesn't feel satisfied, so people keep snacking because they are not satisfied (this of course would be a reflection of their dissatisfaction of life in general). I am so glad that I had a big anti fizzy drink attitude wasn't really sure why at the time, but then I am often lead by my inner voice, but now I read about the fact that sweeteners are highly poisonous and began life as  ant poison......I just never bought them and so my kids grew up without developing a taste for them. The other big no no is the microwave oven - why oh why do people keep on using them, they don't save you that much time - it is illogical to take some good fresh food and blast it with micro waves and changing the molecular structure of it it might come out still looking the same but looks can be deceiving!!!