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I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, late spring 1997 (my 42nd year in this life). Known more commonly as skin cancer, I was told that there are 3 different types - “no worries, slight worry and oh shit not me!!”
It began with a small mole at the back of my left knee. I had been aware of it for a couple of years I guess, because it itched, unlike any of other moles I have and - I have quite a few, always have had from childhood - it niggled at the back of my mind and I would break out in a cold sweat of fear, then push the thoughts away and carry on – until one morning when I scratched and it bled. I decided to go to the doctor who took one look at it and booked an appointment at the hospital to see the oncologist.
I was there in a week, that was scary the speed in which it all happened; My husband Del came with me to the hospital, and we generally thought we would meet and talk to the specialist before any action was taken. Well, he looked at the mole and the next thing I know, I am having a local anaesthetic jabbed into the back of my knee, then the feel of a blade slicing into the skin! Well, having been brought up not to make a fuss, I gritted my teeth and tried to *not feel it* but as my body naturally jerked away from the pain, the poor guy who was doing the op stopped instantly and asked if I could feel it. Yes I snuffled through my tears, so another injection and this is how it progressed, with a cut and a jab, or so it felt at the time, for some reason the local anaesthetic was not doing it’s job properly (but then it never did at the dentists either, hence my absolute horror at the thought of dental work).
To be honest, I have little recollection of the rest of that day, which could be due to extra strong pain killers but pain, tears and bewilderment would best sum it up. So for a tiny mole the size of my small fingernail, I had a 3inch cut up the back of my knee. He explained he needed to dig deep and long to make sure all was removed. I remember being told that there were 3 types of cancer but not to worry, very few actually got the malignant nasty one,
I guess the next few days passed in a blur of emotionality for me and the rest of the family also, kids and hubby didn’t want to think about the worst case scenario either, but it would creep up on us all. I remember well the evening the oncologist called with my results, Del was out working and the kids were probably upstairs in their rooms doing something or other. It turned out the results were not as predicted and they had already booked me an appointment up in Glasgow with another specialist as Dumfries could do more.
So less than week later saw Jamie, Laura, Del and myself making the trip to Glasgow; J and Lau wanted to be with me as I had given them the option. This affected us all and therefore should all be one to act, it’s the way it had always been in our family, we act as a unit.
Oh, the Doctors were very sweet and kind and told me what they could do, albeit an experiment, as nothing was really gonna stop or cure this cancer. When they told me if this experiment worked it would be such a help to others in the future, that almost swayed me. I am a sucker for anything I feel might be for the greater good; but as they explained in detail what would happen, the more I conjured up images of torture chambers. I could feel my whole self retracting from it all, and decided right then there was no way I was going to put myself nor my family through this. The removal of lymph glands did not seem like a good idea to me as they are the protectors in our bodies and I preferred to keep mine. I know what chemo does to folks and I preferred that if I was gonna die then I would do it with dignity. To see me in a weak and depleted state was not the image I wanted to leave my loved ones with, especially my children who were 12 and 15 at the time.
I decided I could have my own experiment, I had seemed to have rid myself of other ailments over the years, raised a healthy family without conventional medicine for the biggest portion of their lives (inoculations/anti-biotics all no nos in our home) and if it succeeded then I should tell the world and that is what I am about to do………..
But before I go on I need to give some background info; I guess from my early 30s I was on a conscious spiritual path; before like most others on this planet, I was just bouncing from one experience to another and wondering what the hell it was all about, from being what would now be diagnosed as borderline bi-polar during most of my teens and early 20's then I began to see glimmerings of connections; so I began to read and read every and anything with regard to philosophy/religion and peoples life stories, having read I then wanted to *DO* but I had an aversion to joining any specific religion/cult also I needed something which was inclusive of real life not something where you go away and become spiritual for a few days or weeks, then I came upon the Arcane School and I stayed with them for almost 10 years and I owe a lot to this organisation – the Arcane School have a series of correspondent/meditation courses, based on the teachings of DK and I found that they suited my naturally mental leanings and the fact that DK always encouraged one not to believe words but experiences; to take his words and put them into practice and if they worked then we had proved the truth of them from personal experience - now a days I find myself more and more into molecular writings and findings which in many ways seems a logical progression and only seems to lend more credence to my personal beliefs and my beliefs arise only from my experiences in life and is the reason for calling myself a cosmic alchemist – the truth is plain to see in all religions and philosophies – all is energy, energy is never lost nor wasted just transmuted……..every action is conceived from a thought……………See thought in action HERE